


Broken Vessels

by Awesomenest_Smile



Series: Sterek Oneshots [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Death, Grief, M/M, No Smut, Unrequited Love, gravesite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 06:51:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4253571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesomenest_Smile/pseuds/Awesomenest_Smile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This one shot is very emotional. I cried while writing it and I definitely don't know how you will take it. It deals with grief and death. I hope you know what you're getting into. Read on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Vessels

Broken Vessels

When Stiles came too he was sluggish. Everything about the world was flat. He didn't pay attention to whose arms he was laying in, nor did he want to. Today was a day of remembrance, of grieving, a day fully commemorated to Derek.

As he rolled out of the covers he glanced nonchalantly to the sleeping man in his bed, and briefly wondered if he should make him leave. But Stiles had grown soft, so he just took a shower instead. In the shower he let himself become what he used to be. A broken vessel. The tears poured out of him like water poured out from the seemingly insignificant cracks in between your fingers. The mating mark throbbed on his neck and he just cried harder.

He just remembered how this very shower had been christened by him and Derek. How Derek's natural scent never left him even after he took a bath. And it broke his heart again when he realised Derek's scent no longer floated through the air. It no longer permeated the bed sheets, and Stiles fell to his knees when he realized he no longer remembered what the scent smelled like himself. 

It was all a blur. Their first date. Their first awkward kiss. Stiles wished he could tell someone he remembered the first song they danced too, the one they named 'theirs'. But each detail was slowly fading away no matter how hard Stiles held onto it.

When he glanced into the mirror he quickly saw the thing he hated most... Himself. His eyes were swollen from the crying, and the mating mark was silver against his skin. He vaguely remembered the night he got it, the night Derek finally told Stiles he loved him. But the agony of knowing he would never hear Derek say it again, sliced his slightly healed heart open again. As Stiles fist slammed against the granite sink Jackson lumbered in from the bedroom and encircled him in his embrace.

"I'll drive you to the grave site if you want." 

Stiles was too out of it to say no. All he knew was Derek needed him. Or maybe Stiles needed Derek. It was impossible to figure out. But today was the anniversary of his death so he would give Derek every minute he had. 

Jackson placed one of his hands on the small of his back and led him into the bedroom like a child. Even Jackson knew today was a fucked up day, and Stiles needed the most support he could get. Mates without each other were just empty beings that suffered through the most unbearable heartache, and Stiles would most likely never get over it. Jackson didn't know a mate that could. The thought of losing Stiles...that was a subject for another day. 

He helped Stiles with his clothes and bent over to tie his shoes when he felt the first tear drop fall on his shoulder. When he looked up his stomach bottomed out and he nearly burst into tears himself. Stiles was crying. Jackson could feel his sadness and it made Jackson mourn for the quirky boy he used to know. As much as Jackson wanted to hug and kiss the man who was in front of him now he knew the hug earlier was the only self indulgence Stiles would allow himself. 

Jackson had been around for months of this. He knew that Stiles blamed himself and he knew Stiles hated himself for gradually moving on. It was fucked up but no matter what Jackson said Stiles never listened.

"Common you have to eat."

But Stiles didn't. He just stared at the cereal Jackson put in front of him and cried. He didn't move, didn't even blink. He just let the tears fall and memorized the ripples it made in the milk.

"Stiles please." 

When Stiles looked up he saw the man who he had started to love. The one that stuck by him night and day, who comforted him. And finally picked up the spoon and ate. 

After they climbed into the car Jackson turned on the radio and panicked as Stiles sobbed loudly into his hand.

"What'd I do? I'm sorry."

Stiles knew this song. Of all the DAMN songs it was like Derek was sending a message. He knew Stiles was forgetting about him. The soft crooning voice of Lana del Rey echoed throughout the car. Young and beautiful was their song. It was theirs. The secret Derek swore he would keep, because it was Stiles favorite and he was embarrassed of it. 

"Turn it off."

So Jackson did and the rest of the ride was silent.

~

The others had been here already. Stiles could see their footprints in the snow and glared at the flowers left next to the plot. 

Derek Hale. Best friend, Best Brother, Best Husband.  
Derek died before they got married but Stiles never stripped him of the title. He deserved at least that. Jackson waited in the Porsche as he was given time alone, and he appreciated it. His words came out garbled but he stayed there for hours talking to his dead lover until he couldn't feel his face.

~ 

When he finally climbed into the car Jackson was asleep. He smiled fondly but knew he had to get it over with.  
"Jackson."  
"Jackson wake up."  
When Jackson opened his eyes he knew something was wrong. He could feel the tension and smell Stiles uncertainty. His body automatically tensed while he waited for the worst.  
"What's up?"  
He watched as Stiles clenched his jaw and tried to swallow the lump in his throat.  
"We have to call this-whatever this is- off."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Jackson please don't make this hard. I can't do this anymore."  
The worst words to hear. Don't make this hard. It echoed in Jackson's had as he played it over and over. If he did make it hard maybe Stiles wouldn't leave him.  
"Why? I thought things were going so good."  
"It's complicated Jackson."  
He was getting desperate now.  
"Then explain it so I can understand."  
"JACKSON STOP."  
"Damnit Stilinski, you can't just expect me to leave without at least knowing why."   
"I can't love you Jackson."  
The words were a stab at his heart. Stiles was confused, delusional even, he refused to acknowledge he loved him. But Jackson would make him realize.   
"Can't out won't?"  
Before he even realized it Stiles was at his throat clenching his teeth together as his neck grew red. Jackson was faced with those eyes, the eyes that rendered him speechless and made him drunk as if he was drinking whiskey instead of looking at it.   
"I won't. It's so hard Jackson, I can't love you anymore. It feels like I'm losing him, like I'm giving him up. I can't risk that. I can't let his memory die!"  
Jackson could feel Stiles shaking and it rattled his bones.  
"Every time I love you more I love him less. I forget more and more of him each day Jackson!"   
"Stiles it's okay to move on-"  
"NO IT'S NOT. You don't get it. I loved him with every cell in my body, we loved each other but I'm forgetting what he looks like Jax! Every time I notice something new about you I forget how long his eyelashes were. When you told me the story about buying your Porsche, I forgot his mother's name. When you told me about your lisp in middle school, I forgot what his nightmares were about. And he's over there-"  
Jackson flinched as Stiles frantically opened the door and climbed out into the snow.  
"Trapped with his nightmares, under the ground while I'm alive and forgetting about him Jackson! I'm alive and he's-he's dead."

And Jackson watched as Stiles fell to his knees and slammed his fists into the ground. He cried as the man he now realized would never know his position in his life broke for the last time. So Jackson put on his brave face and climbed out himself. He wrapped Stiles in warmth and braced himself against the hits and the "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you...!" He waited until every hit was out. Until Stiles ran out of I hate you's and all that was left was a broken vessel. And he swallowed the lump in his throat that didn't seem to fade and said,

"Okay." 

 

He would always be there for his mate, even if he couldn't be his mate.  
~

**Author's Note:**

> That was super emotional to write but I had too. For Stiles and Derek and Jackson. Oh man, let me know what you think. If you’re feeling sad I hope you feel better.  
> XOXO   
> Karina


End file.
